So I decided to create this blog as a way for me to vent about my lovely job while protecting the identities of my co-workers and to protect my own ass.
Let me begin with a lovely story ...
There is a girl I work with, who I'll call The Gerbil, she annoys the hell out of me half the time. She hadn't been with our office very long. She's always seeking attention, at the potluck she cut up some fruit and mixed it up into a bowel with marshmallows and coolwhip, then she walked around holding the bowel saying "Look! I cooked!" As if she doesn't know how or something. Shit, she's Mexican and grew up in ghetto Lamont ... it's a rite of passage to know how to cook and those girls don't leave momma's tit until they know how. As babies they spend so much time in the kitchen they constantly reek of tortillas and lard. I laughed so hard when one girl said to The Gerbil, "That's not cooking, that's cutting up some fruit - prep work. You didn't use an oven or stove".
Now the real fun of the pot luck was when Running Man (who was really nice and is now retired) started talking about Necrophilia ... and was like "Now, you'll always remember the last conversation we had together. It was oddly bizarre, but totally his humor and not said in a nasty way, but in his strange polite Mexican informative old man way. Then he started telling the "real" Quasimodo story (oh yeah, that's how necrophilia came about ... he said in the book years after they bury Esmeralda they dig her up and find a hunchbacks bones with hers, that's how much he loved and wanted her) and was using his hands to illustrate and was like "The beauty Esmeralda" and points at my boss Slow Poke and then was like "and the Beast " and waved his hands toward The Gerbil which caused a stir of laughter (no she's not ugly, but ... well, it just fit at the moment).
The Man used to throw parties at his house, they always ended with my co-workers drinking too much and singing karaoke in Spanish. At least it was appropriate to let their hair hang loose outside of the office, unlike the Holiday Luncheon I had to endure sitting at the same table as the Gerbil. That time Running Man was showing us a "magic trick" while we waited to be served. This consisted of him covering his hands with a napkin and showing one with all his fingers, then placing it back under his napkin and pulling out the other hand that only has one finger and a thumb (lost his fingers as a child in a farming accident because he didn't listen to his parents, so he always tells kids "Listen to your parents or this might happen to you" and shows his hand) and says "Tadaa! I made them disappear!" It was Running Man humor and funny. Well The Gerbil couldn't have the spotlight off her so she's like "Look! I can do a magic trick too!" and proceeds to put a napkin over her hands, pull out a hand, then replace it, then pull out the other hand and flip everyone the bird.
Yeah, real appropriate for a work Holiday Luncheon, but hey, how much appropriate can you expect from someone who earned the nickname of The Gerbil?